1 00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:09,560 Oh! Bloody hell. 2 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:12,200 What's the word for a group of reindeer? 3 00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:13,680 Uh. An orgy, Nan. 4 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:15,960 It's an orgy of reindeer. 5 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:18,440 Oh! We're doing a 12 pubs of Christmas session. 6 00:00:18,440 --> 00:00:19,800 Although we can only do five pubs 7 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:22,360 because there's only five pubs in Kent Mark's not barred from. 8 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:25,920 Your cousin Mark was the only bloke in your family you spoke fondly of. 9 00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:27,200 He once went on Tipping Point 10 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:29,320 and kept calling drop zone 3 a cunt. 11 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:31,080 The ep was never aired. 12 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:33,840 Hello, Nan. What's pink and going to get your head in a spin? 13 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:36,160 It's not your little knob, is it? Even better! Yay! 14 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:40,520 Best Christmas present ever, Danny boy. 15 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:42,200 It's quality. 16 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:44,480 Oi! Boys, boys, just come here a minute. Come here. 17 00:00:44,480 --> 00:00:47,280 Your dad was a bit of a Larry loner in Margate. 18 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:49,760 Mostly because he'd slept with everyone's missus 19 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:52,520 and had really shit chat. 20 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:53,880 The challenge in this pub is 21 00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:55,680 we've got to hold hands the whole time. 22 00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:57,080 And if you let go even for a second, 23 00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:59,200 then you get the next round in, right? 24 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:00,560 Wait, wait, wait. 25 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,360 I'm not... I'm not holding a bloke's hand. 26 00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:03,560 What? 27 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:05,760 What about if I need to go for a piss? 28 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:08,480 I need to get my dick out to piss. I don't want you staring at my dick. 29 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:10,920 Shut up, give us your hand, you ponce! What's wrong with you? 30 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:12,880 Right, five, four... 31 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:14,880 Three, two, one. 32 00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:17,280 THEY CHEER 33 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:18,720 Hey! 34 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:20,640 You all right? All right. 35 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:22,960 Fucking hell. You look like a bunch of fucking woofters. 36 00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:25,960 Shut up, Scrooge, you mug! 37 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:27,000 Scrooge? 38 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,160 Huh. 39 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,160 Give us a kiss. 40 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,320 SHOUTING 41 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:43,000 GLASSES CRASH 42 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,480 Fag? 43 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:50,960 No, I'm not. 44 00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:52,760 No! I meant like a smoke. 45 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:55,440 Oh. Right. 46 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:58,280 You once told me how Chappy turned out to be the first gay person 47 00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:00,080 you'd ever met. 48 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:02,360 He now runs a nail salon in Gravesend. 49 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:04,200 ♪ That's too strong 50 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:05,680 ♪ Cos it is my favourite holiday 51 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:07,920 ♪ But all this year's been a busy blur 52 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:10,760 ♪ Don't think I have the energy... ♪ 53 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,640 Fuck, he's fit! 54 00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:17,880 Oh, mate, you really need to get your end away. 55 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:19,960 I just keep fancying straight guys. 56 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:21,120 Yeah. 57 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:23,120 That is going to be an issue. 58 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:25,440 I'm the exception that proves the rule, obviously, 59 00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:27,960 but, like, as like a genre of human, 60 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:29,320 like, we're just the worst. 61 00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:42,040 I don't know. I've always got a bit of a gay vibe off Tim. 62 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,480 He dresses nice. 63 00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:44,640 Stretching. 64 00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:46,680 Have you ever smelt his hair? 65 00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:49,480 No. Have you? 66 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:50,800 Yeah. 67 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:53,960 This one time we were in the gym together, 68 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,840 and I've looked over at the water fountain 69 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,160 and there's like, this moment, 70 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:02,880 but who's going to go first, you know, 71 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:04,560 and I've gone in... Did you kiss? 72 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,760 No, but I just went... HE SNIFFS 73 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:09,360 HE EXHALES 74 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:11,840 Lily of the valley. 75 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:13,400 Oh? Yeah. 76 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:16,520 I just want to find out if Tim's gay once and for all. 77 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:17,880 Yeah. Look. 78 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:19,520 I'm Facebook friends with him. 79 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:20,920 Oh. What? 80 00:03:20,920 --> 00:03:23,840 Yeah, he's sort of sympathy-added me, like, after my wobble last year. 81 00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:26,320 So... Yeah. There'll be some evidence on there, man. 82 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:28,400 Sorry. Where is Corinne? 83 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:31,600 You're pregnant? It's not ideal, no. 84 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:32,920 What are you going to do? 85 00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:34,640 Well, second and third year of uni count. 86 00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:36,040 So if I was to delay by two years, 87 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:38,600 then I would be delaying my masters, 88 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:40,120 which would delay my PhD, 89 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:43,560 which could delay me making any 30 Under 30s list. So... 90 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:45,280 Right. 91 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:47,680 You're joking there, right? Half joking. 92 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:50,200 And who's the father? Spencer, obviously. 93 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:52,360 Well, I don't know. We still haven't even met the guy. 94 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:54,800 I was beginning to wonder if you'd gone and made him up, 95 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:57,000 but clearly not. 96 00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:00,200 There's nothing on there to suggest he's gay or not gay. 97 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:03,240 Right, everyone, today we will be looking at phone hacking. 98 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:06,160 Oh, my God, I was once a victim of phone hacking. 99 00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:08,200 You know what? It was bloody horrible, actually. 100 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,600 A man in Bogota got into my Facey B 101 00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:14,000 and then my whole wall became like a retail hub 102 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:15,440 for Ray-Ban sunglasses. 103 00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:18,240 Right, Jules, you've got 30 seconds to interrupt this class. 104 00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:21,120 OK, um, we'll just be really quick, then, for you. 105 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:22,360 At the end of the week, 106 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:24,920 it's the second year's BA Fashion Showcase. 107 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:26,560 So come on down. 108 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:29,360 All bottles of cheeky VK £1.50. 109 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:33,960 And I'll be selling the leftover Punanis for a pound. Paninis. 110 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:36,160 I'll take a couple of festive punanis off you. 111 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:37,520 Paninis. Yeah. Lovely. 112 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:39,200 Thank you, Danny and Tim. 113 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:40,240 Oh, yeah. 114 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:43,080 Jules has manipulated me into donating something 115 00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:45,120 for the festive fundraiser. 116 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:47,600 And, uh, since I'm moving anyway, 117 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:50,280 I'll be flogging this - £50 donation. 118 00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:52,000 Come and collect it ASAP. 119 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:55,360 Table tennis. Pretty gay. 120 00:04:55,360 --> 00:05:00,040 Diamond Veins by French 79 121 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:07,000 ♪ You are the diamonds in my veins 122 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:10,480 ♪ Baby, you cut me... ♪ 123 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:17,600 You don't even do sport. 124 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:19,760 If I buy this, I can go to Tim's house, 125 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:23,400 do some investigative journalism to find out if he's gay. 126 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,240 Anyone? We are literally in a lecture 127 00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:27,040 about the invasion of privacy. So... 128 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:28,920 Oh, shut up, Corinne. 129 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:31,040 Fine. Sold to Jack. 130 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:34,040 Oh, will you help me collect it? No. Little creep. 131 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:37,120 I'm busy tomorrow anyway. Right. We'll get out of your hair. 132 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,920 Um, we've actually got tickets to be in the audience 133 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:41,600 for Harry Hill's TV Burp. 134 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:43,200 HE SINGS COUNTDOWN THEME 135 00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:45,120 Piss off! 136 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:47,600 Right, phone hacking. 137 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:49,840 Some people say it can ruin people's lives, 138 00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:52,480 and a reasonable misunderstanding of the legislation around it 139 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:54,000 can also ruin people's careers. 140 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:57,520 So I'm going to terminate the pregnancy tomorrow, 141 00:05:57,520 --> 00:06:00,280 and I don't want to go by myself. 142 00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:02,800 So will you come with me? 143 00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:05,040 Of course, babe. Thank you. 144 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:08,120 But why is Spencer not going with you? I asked Spencer, but... 145 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:11,560 Babe. I would come, you know, I would love to come, 146 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:15,200 but I've got this feminist poetry podcast tomorrow, 147 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:18,800 um, talking about toxic masculinity and outdated notions 148 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:21,320 of patriarchal superiority. 149 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:24,560 So I, uh, I can't really come with you to the borsh. 150 00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:26,440 Your boyfriend sounds like a prick. 151 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:29,200 I know. But, yes, I shall come with you. 152 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,560 I just have two days in which to find a model 153 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:32,720 for my fashion showcase. 154 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:36,600 So I may be scouting for talent on the abortion ward. 155 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:38,960 Please don't do that. 156 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:41,520 Babe, every single model at this university is taken. 157 00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:42,920 I even just had to ask... 158 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:45,120 Would I have to walk in a straight line? 159 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:46,760 Well, yes. 160 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:48,240 No can do. 161 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:49,760 Contrary to my confident persona, 162 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:52,560 I've actually got quite a nervous disposition. 163 00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:53,720 Right. 164 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:56,360 Right. 165 00:06:58,080 --> 00:06:59,360 No. 166 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:11,120 Yay! Hey! 167 00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:12,920 Look who it is! Danny boy! 168 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:14,120 Merry Christmas. 169 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:16,400 Hey, listen. 170 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:19,120 Did you bring a handgun and ten grand? 171 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:22,280 Yeah, I'll sneak it to you after we've had these watery coffees. 172 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:24,000 All right? 173 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:26,440 Oh, no. I'm off the caffeine. What? 174 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:29,240 Yeah, yeah, I've quit anything that's remotely a drug. 175 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:30,960 Finally! If only you'd been supplying 176 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:33,960 the people of Margate with arabica beans instead of dodgy class As. 177 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:36,360 Yeah, yeah. Any jokes how we're the only two 178 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:39,560 that's left Margate and moved up to London? 179 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:42,600 I mean, you're in prison, Mark. 180 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:45,880 Yeah, well, it's a very desirable West London postcode. 181 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:47,360 OK. Fair enough. 182 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:51,720 No, I'm... I'm proper sorting myself out. 183 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:53,080 Good, good. 184 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:57,320 Anyway, to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit? 185 00:07:57,320 --> 00:08:00,560 Uh, it's, it's my old man. Is he dead? 186 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:02,640 No, no, he's just texted me out of the blue. 187 00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:05,680 He wants to meet up. Oh, shit. 188 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:06,960 Even worse. 189 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:15,320 I knew Tim was my lecturer and nothing would happen, 190 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:18,280 but I felt I needed to know if he was gay, 191 00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:22,040 like Louis Walsh or the Go Compare Man. 192 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:25,160 It was one of life's mysteries. 193 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:26,560 Hey. 194 00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:27,600 Hello, Jack. 195 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,160 The table's just here. 196 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,240 Cool. 197 00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:32,360 I just love tennis... table tennis. 198 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:36,320 Just don't touch anything. 199 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:38,560 So, have you not brought a vehicle with you? 200 00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:39,960 Nah. 201 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:41,920 So how are you going to get this home? 202 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:43,360 Oh, uh, yeah. 203 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:44,720 I hadn't thought about that. 204 00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:46,600 So who do you live with? 205 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:47,760 It's just me. 206 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:50,840 Oh, well, who would you play table tennis with? 207 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:53,520 Well, normally I'd fold up one side 208 00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:56,120 and, uh, play solo. Right. 209 00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:58,800 Maybe I'll start playing with myself. 210 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:04,880 You know, Jack, you can play with yourself as much as you like, 211 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:07,160 but get a van first. 212 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:08,880 Oh, she is stunning. 213 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:10,960 I'm pretty sure that NHS staff don't want to model 214 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:13,360 for fashion students. 215 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:16,000 Are you OK? You've asked me that eight times. 216 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,680 This is pretty normal stuff. OK? 217 00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:20,240 I just wanted a pal to chat to. 218 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:21,680 Oh, aye-aye! 219 00:09:21,680 --> 00:09:23,840 Look, it's you. Oh, my fucking God. 220 00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:26,120 Hello, my dolls. 221 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:27,800 I'm having my three-month scan. 222 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:30,240 Oh, wow. Congrats. Can I pinch your lighter, sweetheart? 223 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:31,600 Of course you can. 224 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:33,960 So, what are you two doing here? I didn't know you smoked. 225 00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:35,680 I'm just a bit stressed. 226 00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:37,680 Um, yeah, because, uh... 227 00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:40,000 Yemi's having his haemorrhoids removed. 228 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:41,120 Oh, hon. 229 00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:43,600 What treatment are you having? 230 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:44,800 I'm not so sure. 231 00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:47,240 OK, they can wrap a rubber band around a haemorrhoid 232 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:49,840 to make it drop off, or they can put an electric current through. 233 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:52,400 But actually, with mine, they just used infrared light. 234 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:55,040 Well, you haven't actually chosen yet, have you? 235 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:56,920 It's just a pretty big decision. 236 00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:59,760 Oh, well. It's good to know you have options, darling. 237 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:02,280 Yes. That's good. 238 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:05,560 You look ridiculous. 239 00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:09,160 Nan! I need something in between my fingers to keep the smoking habit. 240 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:11,360 OK? How many have you had today? 241 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:12,680 About five. 242 00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:15,920 Well, that amount of spicy pork can't be good for a baby. 243 00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:16,960 Oh, God. 244 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,520 Hi, boys. 245 00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:27,720 Boys, boys. Boys. Boys. 246 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:30,920 It's me. 247 00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:32,600 Oh, Tim. 248 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,360 Lush old pad. 249 00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:36,040 Do you know what it's like? 250 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:37,880 The house on The Apprentice, isn't it? 251 00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:38,960 Right. 252 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,480 Put the kettle on, then, Tim, in I come for a cup of tea. 253 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,560 - Absolutely not. - OK. MOBILE RINGS 254 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:46,320 Uh, can you two load and go, please? I've got to take this phone call. 255 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:49,360 No, I've just had a tea. It's fine. 256 00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:52,120 OK. Mind your toes. 257 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:53,400 Um... 258 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:55,640 Hold on, Jules, I'm just going to nip to the loo. 259 00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:59,200 Oh, OK. Oh. Um... Uh, steal me a bog roll. What? 260 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:02,440 It's what people do at Buckingham Palace, isn't it? 261 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:04,560 Um, Mel B has four, apparently... 262 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:09,080 Well, yeah. You come round around 6.00 tomorrow, 263 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:10,680 I'll pop open some wine. 264 00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:12,280 We'll just have a lovely evening in, 265 00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:14,160 just us, you know? 266 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:17,680 Well, if you're lucky, there'll be some mischief. 267 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,400 I spoke to him briefly on the phone, but I don't know, 268 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:27,960 I just... I don't think I'm ready to let him back in, you know? 269 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:29,360 Well, I'm not surprised. I mean, 270 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:32,200 he's been an almighty tosser most of our lives. Yeah, he has. 271 00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:34,880 But then, you know, so have I. 272 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:36,760 Because, you know, when I get out of here, Dan, 273 00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:38,880 I'm going to be asking everyone for a second chance. 274 00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:40,520 Yeah, but that's different, isn't it? 275 00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:42,760 He's had his second chance and his third and his fourth. 276 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:44,760 What I'm saying is, I suppose you just don't know 277 00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:48,280 when someone's ready to properly change. How's Nan doin'? 278 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:50,240 Yes. Stable. 279 00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:52,600 I mean, she likes her carer a lot. 280 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,960 Yeah, she flashed him last month. 281 00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:58,200 Seriously. I mean, she said it was an accident, but, you know... 282 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:00,760 It sounds like her. 283 00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:06,640 Sorry I weren't about when, you know, when she's gone downhill. 284 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:09,000 No. It's fine. You know, I mean, it's the thing. 285 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:10,600 Neither was Dad, you know? 286 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:12,440 At least you've got an excuse. 287 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:15,000 Only you can decide if you want to forgive him, mate. 288 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:16,880 There's a lot of time to think in here. 289 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:19,080 I mean, mostly, don't get me wrong. 290 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:20,960 Prison's just shit food, daytime telly 291 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:22,880 and slinging one up a sock every now and then. 292 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:24,320 Sounds like uni. Yeah? Yeah. 293 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,800 But I think the hardest thing is the fact 294 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:28,760 that I might not get to say goodbye to Nan, 295 00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:31,040 and that's fucking hard, Dan. That hurts. 296 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:34,320 Patch things up with your old man. 297 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:37,160 I'm telling you, you don't want that regret. 298 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:43,240 Listen, I didn't manage to sneak you in any dirty mags, 299 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:46,160 but I did manage to get you this. 300 00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:52,080 There you go. 301 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:54,320 Oh, no. You can't give it to me, mate! 302 00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:56,680 Mate, it's just a spinning bowtie! 303 00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:58,920 It could have concealed drugs or be used as a blade. 304 00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:01,560 It's a novelty spinning bow tie, mate. All right? Don't hurt him! 305 00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:03,720 It's all right, Dan. It's all right. It's all right. 306 00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:06,920 So seeing you was the best present I could have asked for, mate. 307 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:12,400 The local abortion clinic was mostly populated by women 308 00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:15,120 who chose not to go with boyfriends, 309 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:18,320 but instead with a trusted gay best friend. 310 00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:22,600 Come 'ere. Can we keep this termination between us, please? 311 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:26,240 I'm only telling you as the closest thing I have to a girlfriend. 312 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,320 Yeah. Thanks, bitch. 313 00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:30,000 Oh, my God! 314 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,480 That just gave me an idea. What? 315 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:35,200 Maybe I don't need some other basic fashion bish to wear my designs. 316 00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:36,680 Here we go. 317 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:41,080 Maybe... Maybe I pick me. 318 00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:42,920 Oh, OK. 319 00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:45,200 No. To be fair, that's a very good idea. 320 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,800 Why not be my own model? 321 00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:49,920 Yeah. It feels like something I should have always done. 322 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:52,480 You saying you're questioning your gender? 323 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:55,160 Corinne, I know you want a friend of every single letter 324 00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:56,200 of the LGBT umbrella. 325 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,320 I'm just saying that men can look cute in skirts, no? 326 00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:00,360 You're talking to a Scot, babe. 327 00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:01,920 It's called kilt. Ms Gahamire? 328 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,160 Yes. 329 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,760 What the fuck? 330 00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:19,320 Look, I'm sorry to take over, but I have to redesign, 331 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:21,720 alter and expand all of these garments to fit me. 332 00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:23,080 And I've got 36 hours to do it. 333 00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:25,920 I mean, I used to sew my name into my PE kit when I was a kid. 334 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:28,440 Do you want a hand? Yes, please. Thank you. 335 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:30,840 Where's Corinne? She could help. No, no, she's in her room. 336 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:31,960 She, um... 337 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:35,280 She's feeling a little bit poorly. 338 00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:37,360 Oh, look who it is. 339 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:38,840 The stalker. 340 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:40,400 Any gay Tim info? 341 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:43,440 No, but I found out he has a date tomorrow, 342 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:46,640 so trying to figure out a way to spy on that. 343 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:48,880 Jack, you're actually starting to worry me. 344 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:50,640 I've just been to see my cousin in prison, 345 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,960 and you would not last five minutes in there. 346 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:57,240 All right, they ain't got Wi-Fi or tiger bread. 347 00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:59,800 Jack, I'm trying to make my dream collection. 348 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:01,520 And your table tennis table is literally 349 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,160 getting in the way of that. Literally. 350 00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:04,920 But there's nowhere else it can go. 351 00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:06,760 Then take it back from whence it came. 352 00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:08,680 This shed has youth club vibes enough already. 353 00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:11,120 Thank you very much. 354 00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:15,120 Oh, this could give me a reason to go back to Tim's tomorrow. 355 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:17,240 You're obsessed. 356 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:24,040 ♪ I knew when you told me you don't want to go home tonight 357 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:29,520 ♪ And you tried to just shrug it off when I asked why 358 00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:33,440 ♪ Somebody hurt you, somebody hurt you 359 00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:36,160 ♪ But you're here by my side 360 00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:38,760 ♪ And I knew 361 00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:42,840 ♪ Cos I can recall when I was the one in your seat 362 00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:46,800 ♪ I've still got the scars and they occasionally bleed 363 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:51,440 ♪ Cos somebody hurt me, somebody hurt me 364 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:53,720 ♪ But I'm staying alive 365 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:56,880 ♪ And I can tell When you get nervous 366 00:15:56,880 --> 00:16:01,680 ♪ You think being yourself Means being unworthy 367 00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:03,680 ♪ And it's hard to love 368 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:05,960 ♪ With a heart that's hurting 369 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:10,400 ♪ But if you want to go out dancing 370 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:15,120 ♪ I know a place... ♪ 371 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:19,160 And there Tim was, having a romantic meal with a boy. 372 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:21,920 And her. 373 00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:33,200 Hello. How can I help you, Jack? 374 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,200 Yeah. This table. 375 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,560 Um, yeah. Sadly, it's not for me. 376 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,840 Well, I'm not going to take it back. OK? 377 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:43,200 Right. Um... 378 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:44,400 Fair enough. 379 00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:47,000 Can I use your loo? 380 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,440 Can you not? OK. 381 00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:52,400 And, um... what's going on here? Goodbye, Jack. 382 00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:56,960 OK. Cool. See ya. 383 00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:08,440 Hey, guys. 384 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:11,880 Is that Spencer? 385 00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:13,840 Yes, that is Spencer. 386 00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:15,360 She's dumped me! 387 00:17:15,360 --> 00:17:17,680 Nice to meet you, guys. 388 00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:19,400 That's why she's been in her room. 389 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:21,440 Oh, God. I hate breaking up with people. 390 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:23,440 Yeah, it's a lot. You know, I had to leave my ex 391 00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:25,480 because she was addicted to online shopping. 392 00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:28,080 I mean, I was down the post office so much returning her parcels, 393 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,200 I ended up shagging the girl on the Bureau de Change. 394 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:31,280 You're so feisty! 395 00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:38,360 Do you understand the English I speak in this house? 396 00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:39,640 What did I say? 397 00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:41,040 No table. 398 00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:45,440 Look, I just pushed it on a four-mile round trip to see Tim 399 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:48,000 with a guy and a girl. 400 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,360 So I still don't know if he's fucking gay. 401 00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:51,440 Good. 402 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:53,960 Danny told me about your little escapade. 403 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:56,720 So let me tell you something, Jack. 404 00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:59,600 It's actually none of your business what someone else's sexuality is. 405 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,960 Yeah, I know, but... There are no buts, Jack. 406 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:06,080 I was outed by a lady from my church who just saw me having a drink 407 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:08,600 with a guy, then ran to go and tell our pastor. 408 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:09,880 Oh, yeah. 409 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,240 So, no, we don't go uncovering, 410 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:15,200 no matter what stupid crushes we have. 411 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,360 You're right. It's like me in Year 7, 412 00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:20,080 you know, when I used to chat up the sixth formers. What? 413 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:22,320 I think you were going for someone you knew 414 00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:25,840 you couldn't have so you wouldn't get hurt, you know? 415 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:27,160 But you do, right? 416 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:31,360 Lindsay Hawkins. 417 00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,320 OK. 418 00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:34,360 Sorry, Yemi. 419 00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:35,760 The worst part is you've actually 420 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:37,480 completely upstaged my outfit reveal. 421 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:39,120 Oh. Come on. Come on! 422 00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:45,720 ♪ I know a place... 423 00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,160 Whoa! 424 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:48,240 Yes! 425 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,800 You look beautiful. 426 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,640 ♪ ..just lay down their weapon, lay down your weapon... ♪ 427 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:01,120 Although maybe we lose the sunglasses. 428 00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:04,600 Look a bit like Jimmy Saville. 429 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,320 Corinne, Corinne. What? Hey, Corinne! Oh, Jesus. 430 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:22,240 I know I fucked up, so I'm here to show you 431 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:24,120 that I still believe in us. 432 00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:26,120 Oh, no. He's not going to do a poem, is he? 433 00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:29,360 I can't watch this. 434 00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:35,200 In this city of chicken bones and mobile phones 435 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:40,880 You and me are meant to be a cacophony of chemistry 436 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:45,480 I'm sorry, I still see among these skyscraper lined streets... 437 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:48,680 Skyscrapers? We're in fucking Zone 6. 438 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:50,680 So I plead to thee 439 00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:52,720 That we'll never flee 440 00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:55,200 I don't see you and me condemned to history... 441 00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:57,600 Spencer... Please believe in this city... 442 00:19:57,600 --> 00:19:59,760 Spencer. Yes. 443 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:01,480 Fuck off. 444 00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:11,360 ♪ Rockin' around the Christmas tree 445 00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:14,400 ♪ At the Christmas party hop... ♪ Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! 446 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,680 Are you all right? Yeah. 447 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:21,320 Oh, I'm going to get in my jimmy-jams too. 448 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:22,360 Go on, then, do it. 449 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:27,000 My mum also got you matching pyjamas for Christmas 450 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:30,000 so you could stay and not be on your tod at your nan's flat. 451 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:33,480 But you said you had something you needed to do. 452 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,000 You all right, Dad? 453 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:42,440 All right, son? 454 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:45,320 ♪ Voices singing let's be jolly... 455 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:48,520 BABY MUSICAL BOX FINISHES MELODY 456 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:51,120 Whoa! Hello, hello, hello. 457 00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:52,800 Ah? 458 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:54,600 I'd give the bathroom five mins 459 00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:56,800 cos a hot bath always makes me want to go. 460 00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,720 Have you moved into my room? 461 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:01,000 OK, here we go. All right. 462 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,440 Well, listen, me and Nan kept falling out, OK? 463 00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:04,960 You have fucked off. 464 00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:07,760 And Peggy's quite lonely, so, ta-da! 465 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:09,280 I've been here three weeks. 466 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:12,360 Shannon! We went and bought mum an iPhone... 467 00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:16,080 iPhone for Christmas last Tuesday. You didn't mention it. 468 00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:20,320 I forgot! I've got you a lovely airbed off the Argos catalogue. 469 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,720 Merry Christmas to you. 470 00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:26,720 But I did want to show you these. 471 00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:30,520 Oh, Shan! 472 00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:32,640 Oh, this is so cool. 473 00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:33,680 Isn't it? 474 00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:38,880 Can you scan those for me at your fancy uni library, 475 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,240 so I can put them on Facey B in HD? 476 00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:43,200 Sweet. 477 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:44,600 Oh. 478 00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:51,440 We've recently moved your grandmother up a floor 479 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:53,360 as her condition has worsened. 480 00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:55,760 Right. 481 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,080 Is she...? 482 00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,320 Merry Christmas to you, too. 483 00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:02,240 ♪ Do you want to spend the day?... ♪ 484 00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:03,480 Hello, Nan. 485 00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:05,160 ♪ A day in the water... ♪ 486 00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:07,480 It's me. 487 00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:11,640 ♪ When nothing hurts your skin.... ♪ 488 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,400 Look, I've got you some nice flowers. 489 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:17,880 ♪ Do you want to know? 490 00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:20,520 ♪ Do you want to feel the sun...? ♪ 491 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:25,400 Your nighty looks nice, doesn't it? 492 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:29,280 You ain't got any porridge down it this time. 493 00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:31,880 It's a start. 494 00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,320 ♪ Do you want know?... 495 00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:40,400 ♪ Deeper, and the deeper, and the deeper 496 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,200 ♪ And the deeper that I go 497 00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,480 ♪ Softer, I get softer, I get softer 498 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:47,160 ♪ I get softer, I don't know 499 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:51,640 ♪ Father, oh, father, oh, father oh, father, let me go 500 00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,720 ♪ I don't want no more 501 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:58,280 ♪ I hear them talking about it 502 00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:01,760 ♪ It sounds like the same old song 503 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,640 ♪ I see they worry about it 504 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,000 ♪ I'm so far ago, they can't be wrong 505 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:15,240 ♪ I know it's obvious 506 00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:20,760 ♪ I'm flying from what I can see 507 00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:24,440 ♪ So let me be 508 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:29,000 ♪ Let me 509 00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:32,760 ♪ Do you want to spend a day? ♪ 510 00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:35,000 Subtitles by Red Bee Media